kimcheejars

Knowing when to give it up and say "when" is an incredibly tough thing for me. I enjoy utilizing myself to the utmost. It's fun to learn new things and explore in a career that can be so impactful on our youth. I wouldn't put my blood sweat and tears into a job that I felt little passion for. But, it's times like these when I feel a strong pull back to my family from my job. This weekend will be tough. I am going to Washington DC Friday to learn and collaborate with some of the best math educators in the nation. I am terribly excited for my position and terribly overwhelmed with leaving my family behind for five days. Ugh... As a mother, you simply can't get those worst case scenarios out of your mind even though there really isn't grounds for it. "What if Adelyn runs out of milk or (gasp) starts to crawl while I'm away?" "Annaka is going to miss me and won't get her goodnight hug from me!" "What if my husband goes crazy and feeds the dog the milk, lets Annaka out the door to pee and Adelyn feeds herself by crawling to the dog bowl!?!?" (note: My husband is uber capable and fantastic... I simply know the insanity that can come with a toddler and infant all to yourself. Truth is it kinda takes two of us to make things smooth around this joint!) Even typing this gets my heart rate up. However, this will come and go. I will most likely have a fantastic conference, see our nation's capital and Annaka and Adelyn will get the best Daddy time they have ever had. But... Still... Moms, you understand my heartache. It's a test. We'll all survive and when I get home it will be awesome.

It is interesting to see how having kids can change so much about a person. One's perspective can be turned around or focused much like the view through a camera. Today, I found 1 Thessalonians 2:7.

"But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. ⁸ So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us."

Paul speaks to the church in Thessalonica so passionately. I have read this verse before. "yea, yea, yea, everyone love their kids." Now, it seems to resonate. Maybe, I kinda get it now. For a person to feel such joy and longing for some group of people who are connected only by Jesus Christ gives me chills. Maybe, I'm getting an idea of what Paul meant.